I made some changes to the passage. Are they proper ?

[v0031]

[kyc0705]

I'd say most of it was probably fine as it was, with the exception of Edit 4, which definitely reads better as "journey." However, your changes are very much acceptable, and keep the sentences intact.

If you're looking for additional advice, switch the second "will" in Line 9 with "can" (before the company can even produce a model), and in Line 13, switch "developments takes" to "development takes." (Considering that it's in quotations, I'm assuming that was just a typo.)

[v0031]

Thanks a lot.