Beto Late Than Never

[Boobs]

[Continential]

Sad! Swalwell was falsely arrested!

[McGovernite]

barbara will make herself a goddess, with the help of the VA GOP and Ed Gillespie.

All that has to be done, is elect her Governor in 2021

[Cold War Liberal]

Comstock/Ros-Lehtinen 2020!!!

[Boobs]

New Hampshire Primary, 2020 – Part 1

Dean Heller: 'Ello govnah! Lor' luv a duck! Welcome ter aaahr coverage ov da New Hampshire primary. Know what I mean? Joinin' me is da delicious Chris Pappas, a congressman. Sorted mate.

Chris Pappas: Uhh, hi I guess. Why are you speaking like that.

Dean: Oi lad. It's 'ow I speak. OK?

Chris: I guess.

Dean: Care fer a shag, beaut?

Chris: Please get away from me, you creepy old man.

Dean: Awright geeezzaa! Who is gon'a win da primary?

Chris: Fuck, I don't know. Begich surprised everyone in Iowa, but he had Orly Levy's legendary retail politics campaigning for him, which he doesn't have in New Hampshire. Maybe Fay Hartog-Levin or Stormy Daniels can successfully mobilize angry women.

Dean: Angry women? What abaaaht 'orny women?, innit.

Chris: [sigh]

Dean: What abaaaht da bloody Republicans? Ken Barbara Comstock defeat Trump?

Chris: [leaves the studio]

Early Returns

NH-01	NH-02
Hartog-Levin - 48.3% Begich - 14.2% O'Rourke - 11.2% Hassan - 6.3% Buttigieg - 2.4%	Clinton - 31.3% O'Rourke - 16.3% Hartog-Levin - 14.9% Begich - 12.0% Daniels - 9.3%

Statewide

Trump - 57.1% Comstock - 42.9%

[Boobs]

New Hampshire Primary, 2020 – Part 2

Dean: 'Ello gov–

Carol Shea-Porter: Don't try any of that shit with me. I will snap your dick in half worse than Jacky.

Democratic Primary

Beto O'Rourke - 26.23%
Fay Hartog-Levin - 23.27%
Mark Begich - 14.87%
Chelsea Clinton - 9.21%
Stormy Daniels - 5.87%
Maggie Hassan - 3.70%
Caroline Kennedy - 2.62%
Pete Buttigieg - 2.25%
Michael Bennet - 2.12%
Cory Booker - 1.81%
John Tester - 1.70%
Dina Titus - 1.36%
Mike Beebe - 1.20%
John Kerry - 0.89%
Aftab Pureval - 0.56%
Amy Klobuchar - 0.52%
Elizabeth Warren - 0.35%
Mary Landrieu - 0.34%
Kirsten Gillibrand - 0.34%
Marianne Williamson - 0.30%
Michael Bloomberg - 0.28%
Tulsi Gabbard - 0.22%
Howard Schultz - 0.03%
Gary Peters - 0.01%

O'Rourke and Hartog-Levin split the at-large delegates 3-2. O'Rourke also wins all 5 PLEO delegates.

NH-01		NH-02
O'Rourke - 30.12% Hartog-Levin - 23.13% Begich - 13.42% Daniels - 5.32% Buttigieg - 4.10% Clinton - 3.21% Hassan - 3.20% Tester - 2.39% Kennedy - 2.30% Bennet - 2.30%	5 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0	Hartog-Levin - 23.41% O'Rourke - 22.34% Begich - 16.32% Clinton - 15.20% Daniels - 6.41% Hassan - 4.20% Kennedy - 2.94% Bennet - 1.93% Titus - 1.34% Booker - 1.30%	2 2 2 2 0 0 0 0 0 0

Total Delegates

Begich	23
O'Rourke	18
Hartog-Levin	11
Daniels	9
Clinton	3
Titus	2

Republican Primary

Comstock - 50.4%
Trump - 49.6%

Selected Candidate Reactions

"Horrible. Just horrible."


"I am so f**king proud... of me! Thanks y'all xoxo"


"Did you see, I got 20% more than pathetic Maggie Hassan in her own home state. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic!"


"Hi"

[America Needs R'hllor]

Epic! Beto made all of our calves cramp.

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

Hi

[America Needs R'hllor]

Hi

[Cold War Liberal]

Hi

[Continential]

Hi

[Boobs]

Nevada Caucus, 2020

Las Vegas

Dina Titus: RESIDENTS OF DISTRICT 1. REMAIN CALM. SHOULD YOU VOTE FOR ALICE COSTANDINA TITUS FOR THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION FOR PRESIDENT, YOU SHALL BE SPARED. IF YOU CHOOSE TO DEVIATE, YOUR VOTE AND YOUR LIFE SHALL BE TERMINATED.

Carson City

Dean Heller: Hear ye, hear ye! The Titus is coming! The Titus is coming!

Henderson

Shelley Berkley: I can't let Titus steal this election! I'll be the hero that saves the day.

NV-01	NV-02	NV-03	NV-04	Statewide
Titus - 100.00%	Hartog-Levin 23.10% O'Rourke - 23.09% Daniels - 19.40% Begich - 8.10% Clinton - 5.30% ... Titus - 0.00%	O'Rourke - 28.42% Hartog-Levin 20.03% Daniels - 18.30% Williamson - 15.02% Begich - 4.31% ... Titus - 0.00%	O'Rourke - 32.31% Daniels - 20.50% Hartog-Levin - 17.34% Begich -17.31% Beebe - 4.20% ... Titus - 0.00%	O'Rourke - 21.87% Titus - 21.74% Hartog-Levin - 15.77% Daniels - 15.18% Begich - 7.75%

Delegates

NV-01		NV-02		NV-03		NV-04		Statewide
Titus	5	Hartog-Levin O'Rourke Daniels	2 2 2	O'Rourke Hartog-Levin Daniels Williamson	2 2 1 1	O'Rourke Daniels Hartog-Levin Begich	2 2 1 1	O'Rourke Titus Hartog-Levin Daniels	2+5 2 2 2

Overall Delegates

O'Rourke	31
Begich	24
Hartog-Levin	18
Daniels	16
Titus	9
Clinton	3
Williamson	1

Statewide Final Results
Beto O'Rourke - 21.87%
Dina Titus - 21.74%
Fay Hartog-Levin - 15.77%
Stormy Daniels - 15.18%
Mark Begich - 7.75%
Marianne Williamson - 4.80%
Chelsea Clinton - 3.33%
Mike Beebe - 3.05%
Aftab Pureval - 2.09%
Jon Tester - 1.11%
Michael Bennet - 0.92%
Mary Landrieu - 0.63%
Pete Buttigieg - 0.61%
Caroline Kennedy - 0.44%
John Kerry - 0.26%
Michael Bloomberg - 0.21%
Elizabeth Warren - 0.19%
Tulsi Gabbard - 0.02%
Gary Peters - 0.01%
Selected Candidate Reactions

"Horrible. Just horrible."

"I am inevitable."

[adamevans]

So does Maggie Hassan just disappear?

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

So does Maggie Hassan just disappear?

You should have gone for the head

[Boobs]

So does Maggie Hassan just disappear?

Hassan, Gillibrand and Booker all dropped out after a pitiful NH performance.

[Starry Eyed Jagaloon]

How the hell did I just now find this?

[Boobs]

How the hell did I just now find this?

Welcome. We’ve been waiting for you. Enjoy your stay.

[America Needs R'hllor]

So does Maggie Hassan just disappear?

Hassan, Gillibrand and Booker all dropped out after a pitiful NH performance.

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic!

[Boobs]

South Carolina Primary, 2020 - Part 1

Dean Heller: Welcome everyone to coverage of the South Carolina Primary, a massively important contest for candidates. This will prove if a candidate can resonate with black voters or if they are a massive racist. Just kidding. All Democrats are racists. Joining me is notorious Democrat and racist, Jon Ossoff.

Jon Ossoff: Hello, Dean. I'm not quite sure why you booked me. I'm not from South Carolina, I'm from Geor–

Dean: Isn't your girlfriend a doctor?

Jon: Uhh she's in medical school but I don't why that's relevant at a–

Dean: Can she take a look at my dick?

Jon: What? What the–

Dean: It's stopped working.

Jon:

Dean: I ran into Dina Titus campaigning down here in South Carolina and she took me to her hotel room and then like, sparks flew, and now it doesn't work.

Jon: Uh hmm

Dean: I'll take your answer off the air.

Scenes from the Campaign Trail

Aftab Pureval: Wow, Hillary, thank you! This will help me so much.
Hillary Clinton: I have no idea who you are.

Chelsea Clinton: I will destroy Trump, electorally, physically, and psychologically.

Mike Beebe: I am proud to be in the birthplace of the Confederacy, South Carolina. Under a Beebe presidency, the South will rise again. I mean. Not just the South. The entire country will rise. But also the South.

[America Needs R'hllor]

Wow, Chelsea. Such a powerful woman. She'll make Trump look like a WEAK BETA.

[Continential]

Wow, Chelsea. Such a powerful woman. She'll make Trump look like a WEAK BETA.

Also, Sad! Aftab brainwashed Hillary!

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

Thank you Hillllary!!!

[Boobs]

South Carolina Primary, 2020 - Part 2

Dean Heller: Hello, and welcome back to coverage of the South Carolina primary. I am Dean Heller, new and improved with a bionic penis, and yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's longer, even longer. Joining me this time is someone actually from South Carolina, I think, Alvin Greene. Welcome, Alvin.

Alvin Greene: Jim DeMint started the recession but I'm still glad to be here with you, Dean.

Dean: Who's looking to do well in the primary tonight?

Alvin: Well, Jim DeMint started the recession and we're still trying to recover from it, so whoever can promise the best recovery to the economically distressed people of South Carolina will do well. So, someone like–

Dean: [whispering to himself] How do I turn this thing off?

Alvin: Someone like Stormy Daniels, who has worked tirelessly to help the people of this country economically. Unlike Jim DeMint, who started the recession.

Dean: Ah, well, that makes, uhh, sense, uhh, yeah. I'm going to, uhh, excuse me for a, uhh, minute, uhh.

Alvin: Jim DeMint started the recession.

Statewide Results
Aftab Pureval - 20.58%
Mary Landrieu - 16.66%
Beto O'Rourke - 15.09%
Fay Hartog-Levin - 11.80%
Stormy Daniels - 9.89%
Chelsea Clinton - 7.51%
Pete Buttigieg - 5.19%
Mike Beebe - 3.79%
Dina Titus - 2.37%
Mark Begich - 2.13%
Jon Tester - 1.51%
Elizabeth Warren - 1.46%
John Kerry - 1.11%
Marianne Williamson - 0.69%
Tulsi Gabbard - 0.21%
Gary Peters - 0.01%

By District and Delegates

SC-01

SC-02

SC-03

SC-04

SC-05

SC-06

SC-07

Statewide

O'Rourke - 29.49% Daniels - 17.13% Clinton - 16.43% Landrieu - 11.32% Hartog-Levin - 6.34%

3 2 1

Landrieu - 23.32% Pureval - 18.93% Hartog-Levin - 15.55% O'Rourke - 12.30% Warren - 7.45%

2 1 1

Pureval - 27.40% Beebe - 15.32% Landrieu - 15.01% O'Rourke - 13.88% Daniels - 7.23%

1 1 1

Buttigieg - 21.32% Pureval - 21.30% Landrieu - 16.39% Hartog-Levin - 12.94% O'Rourke - 9.38%

2 1 1

Pureval - 38.75% Landrieu - 18.32% Hartog-Levin - 12.21% O'Rourke - 5.49% Daniels - 4.64%

3 2

Pureval - 20.39% Hartog-Levin - 15.10% Landrieu - 15.08% O'Rourke - 15.03% Daniels - 12.39%

2 2 2 2

Landrieu - 19.84% Pureval - 17.34% Daniels - 15.64% O'Rourke - 15.01% Hartog-Levin -13.21%

2 1 1 1

Pureval - 20.58% Landrieu - 16.66% O'Rourke - 15.09% Hartog-Levin - 11.80% Daniels - 9.89%

5 4 3

Overall Delegates

O'Rourke	40
Begich	24
Hartog-Levin	21
Pureval	21
Daniels	19
Landrieu	14
Titus	9
Clinton	4
Buttigieg	2
Beebe	1
Williamson	1

Selected Candidate Reactions


"Wonderful. Just wonderful."


"We did it. We won. From here, we go in one direction: the White House."


"My campaign will realign its chakras to ensure a victory on Super Tuesday. Do not worry."

[OBD]

This is my favorite TL.

[adamevans]

This is my favorite TL.