Beto Late Than Never

[America Needs R'hllor]

Jim DeMint started the recession

[Cold War Liberal]

Jim DeMint started the recession

[Bakersfield Uber Alles]

Jim DeMint started the recession

[Boobs]

Dean Heller: Hey, welcome to my exclusive webshow here on Politico. Today I am revealing my peni– my presidential power rankings for the Democratic nomination. Jon Tester just dropped out so I now have a 15-point scale – with higher numbers being better. Harvard political science professor and lawyer extraordinaire Zei Bei has identified the five most important factors in winning the presidency, and I will use them in my rankings. Here goes! Funnily enough, that's the same thing I said to Steve King in Debbie's Honda.

Candidate |	Fundraising |	Delegates |	Momentum |	"Fork"ability |	The Naomi Wolf Factor |	Average
Pureval	11	13	15	15	12	13.2
O'Rourke	13	15	14	12	10	12.8
Begich	12	14	11	14	11	12.4
Hartog-Levin	14	13	12	6	15	12
Landrieu	9	10	13	9	13	10.6
Daniels	10	11	10	13	7	10.2
Clinton	6	8	9	10	14	9.4
Titus	15	9	8	4	5	8.2
Williamson	8	6	5	9	4	6.4
Beebe	7	6	7	1	9	6
Buttigieg	5	7	6	7	3	5.6
Warren	4	3	3	5	8	4.6
Kerry	3	3	4	3	6	3.8
Gabbard	2	3	2	11	1	3.8
Peters	1	3	1	2	2	1.8

Please remember that this is an extremely scientific method and thus almost infallible. Don't try to disagree with it, because you will fail. Also, I am an extremely respected journalist, I've met like two Pulitzer prizewinners, so basically, you are a moron if you try to argue. I will beat your ass into the ground using facts and logic.

[scutosaurus]

Who's Peters?

[Continential]

Who's Peters?

[Cold War Liberal]

Who's Peters?

He's probably better known as Bloomfield Hills Man.

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

Who's Peters?

[Continential]

When will this start again?

[Boobs]

When will this start again?

Whenever I find the energy to tackle all of Super Tuesday

[Boobs]

Super Tuesday, 2020 - Part 1

Dean Heller: Hello, I'm Dean Heller, journalist, playboy, and your future stepdad. Tonight is Super Tuesday, a crucial day for candidates vying for the Democratic nomination for President, as a big big big big big number of delegates will be allocated today. Before all that hectic hoopla tonight, I'm eating dinner with my good friend – you could say he's a star, a pawn star – Rick Harrison.

Rick Harrison: Rick Harrison sum, et ea est mea pignerans pergula. Hic laboro cum sene filioque, Magno Hoss. Hic omnes historiam pretiumque habunt. XXI anno acto, numquam quid per januam venient cognoscere possum.

Dean: That's right, dude.

Rick: Ego quern profugum Las Vegas, conatur evadere iram Dinæ Titus. Tibi gratias ago pro hoc pulchra mihi prandium pascens iter et inmunes publica.

Dean: What's that Rick? You want me to swallow a whole rib without chewing? Kinda weird man, but I'm an expert at this sort of thing. Watch me!

Rick: Quod est putidula. Placere me manducare prandium est in pace.

Dean: A barbeque sauce enema? Usually I'd only do it if I was at home, but if you insist.

Rick: Cur tibi braccas sustulit?

Dean: So you're a worldly man, you've traveled the countryside. How are things looking for the candidates? Who's gonna have a good night? Other than you, of course, wink wink.

Rick: Nonne vos iustus dicere "wink wink"?

Dean: OK, I have to admit, this is kinda turning me on. But I'm trying to give some insight to our viewers, so please cooperate with me. Who is gonna end up on top after tonight? Other than me, of course, wink wink.

Rick: Nescio. Obsecro ira.

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

President Stormy when

[EvanHunt]

Keep going!

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

Keep going!

[America Needs R'hllor]

Keep going!

[Continential]

Keep going!

[Cold War Liberal]

Keep going!

[Angie]

"While Mayor Mary is certainly as powerful an inspiration as anything, what inspired the glorious candidacy of Angie Walls-Windhauser?"

REALITY: 1) The Need for a Moral, African-American Republican Woman Scandal-Free Candidate; 2) Popularity of Michelle Obama 3) Patriotism: Angie loves America; this is what inspired Angie Walls-Windhauser to run for the Presidency of the United States of America!

[LabourJersey]

This is easily the best TL on this site. I can't stop laughing at Dean Heller's insight here

[McGovernite]

continue this

[Boobs]

Beto Late Than Never, - the conclusion, Part 1

Since I won't actually finish writing this, I think tying up loose ends will be good for everyone.

2020

Beto O'Rourke / Loretta Sanchez  - 54.7%, 401 EVs
Donald Trump / Mike Pence - 44.9%

Senate



New Senators:

AL : Martha Roby (R)
AK : Tiffany Zulkosky (D)
AZ : Hiral Tipirneni (D)
CO : Janine Davidson (D)
GA : Stacey Abrams (D)
GA-S : Jen Jordan (D)
IL : Lauren Underwood (D)
KS : Barbara Bollier (D)
ME : Sara Gideon (D)
MI : John James (R)
MT : Tom Winter (D)
NE : Jeff Fortenberry (R)
NJ : Mikie Sherrill (D)
NM : Maggie Toulouse Oliver (D)
NC : Jeff Jackson (D)
OK : Mick Cornett (R)
TN : Diane Black (R)
TX : Rex Tillerson (D)
VA : Elaine Luria (D)
WY : Foster Friess (R)

House

Net gain of D+27
Lean - gain
Likely - open seat held by party or a successful primary
Safe - incumbent reelected

If anyone is interested I can provide new representatives later.

Governors


New Governors:
ND : Heidi Heitkamp (D)
NH : Carol Shea-Porter (D)
MO : Nicole Galloway, CPA (D)
MT : Mike Cooney (D)
UT : Shireen Ghorbani (D)


The O'Rourke Administration - Part 1 of 4

Interesting Cabinet appointments:
State - Fmr. Senator Booker (D-NJ)
Defense - Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY), replaced in the Senate by Hillary Clinton (D-NY)
Justice - Fmr. Senator Jones (D-AL)
Treasury : John Chiang (D-CA)
Commerce : Chelsea Clinton (D-NY)

O'Rourke's first half of the first term oversees the admittance of Puerto Rico as a state, the implementation of a Medicare-for-all healthcare plan, massive grants to public transportation, stricter emissions restrictions, and a bill to expand the Supreme Court to 15 members.

The retirement of Justices Ginsburg and Breyer meant that President O'Rourke had 8 seats to appoint. He appointed :
 

Richard Boulware
Ketanji Brown Jackson
Mariano-Florentino Cuéllar
Vanita Gupta
Goodwin Liu
Barack Obama
Michelle Obama
Sri Srinivasan

2022

The 2022 House elections saw Democrats hold the Chamber, thanks to a new series of fair maps and the general popularity of President O'Rourke. Although the Republicans did win back a few seats, Democrats managed to keep the Chamber tied due to the 5 new Democratic seats in Puerto Rico and the gain of MI-03.

In the Senate, Democrats picked up Pennsylvania (Conor Lamb), Kansas (Sharice Davids), North Carolina (Josh Stein), and Florida (Debbie Mucarsel Powell). Jahana Hayes held retiring Richard Blumenthal's (D-CT) seat. Republicans did not make gains, but managed to hold on to their vulnerable seats in Wisconsin, Alaska, and Iowa.

In gubernatorial seats, Democrats gained Texas (Lizzie Fletcher), Arizona (Paul Penzone), Massachusetts (Maura Healey), Alaska (Bad Boy Begich), Georgia (Bee Nguyen), Maryland (Angela Alsobrooks), while Republicans picked up Wisconsin (Robin Vos) and Pennsylvania (Pearl Kim). [The 2021 elections saw Phil Murphy reelected in New Jersey and Terry McAuliffe elected in Virginia.] 

The O'Rourke Administration - Part 2 of 4

Reinvigorated by a strong midterm performance, the O'Rourke administration, now having 61 (out of 102) allies in the Senate, continued to work on the issues that mattered to Americans. However, in February of 2023, Sen. Martha Roby (R-AL) defected to the Democratic Party, giving them a supermajority. They passed a carbon and a wealth tax, as well as a significant payment toward college debt reduction.

The disappearance of Justice Brett Kavanaugh aboard a catamaran also containing Harvey Weinstein and Eric Trump in June of 2023 led O'Rourke to appoint Tish James (NY) to the Supreme Court.

Ahead of the 2024 election, Justices Thomas and Alito announced their intention to retire.

2024

Beto O'Rourke / Loretta Sanchez - 58.5%, 450+EVs
Josh Hawley / Kelli Ward - 39.9%, <100EVs

While 2024 was always going to be an uphill battle for the Republican nominee, owing to President O'Rourke's widespread popularity, two events precipitated an utter landslide loss for the Hawley/Ward ticket. First, a widely-published report of a meeting between President O'Rourke and President Putin in a sauna during a summit in rural Finland, one where it was reported that the American president's towel slipped from under him, scaring the Russian president to his core - so much so, that in the following, he announced his complete retirement from politics. While the White House refused to comment on the incident, the tale cemented President O'Rourke status as a folk hero to all Americans and a sex symbol to some (most).

The second was at the second presidential debate in Salt Lake City, where a flustered Hawley, feeling cornered in a debate about foreign policy, instead challenged the President to a push-up contest, which Hawley proceeded to lose.

Following this embarrassing incident, Hawley became ashamed to show his face on the trail, leading to his running mate Kelli Ward to do most of the stumping, integrating many of her conspiracy theories into speeches about nearly any subject.

Once mail in ballots from California were finally counted, the Hawley/Ward ticket received just below 40% of the vote, the worst Republican performance in the popular vote since Bush 1992, in a three-way election, and the worst in a two-way contest since Alf Landon.

However, there was one bright spot - Republicans picked up the senate seats in West Virginia (Donald Trump Jr.) and Ohio (Anthony Gonzalez), both open Democratic-held seats. However, Democrats did pick up the Utah (Governor Ghorbani), Texas (Colin Allred), Wyoming (Mike Yin), Missouri (Galway) and Florida (Anna Eskamani) seats.


More will be added in a future post.

[One Term Floridian]

Lol that Beto re election map wtf happened to Ohio

[P. Clodius Pulcher did nothing wrong]

Debbie and Anna the senators Florida needs, but not the ones she deserves!!!

[President of the great nation of 🏳️‍⚧️]

Lol that Beto re election map wtf happened to Ohio

It's Ohio.

[One Term Floridian]

Lol that Beto re election map wtf happened to Ohio

It's Ohio.

(Titanium R-OH)