What would be the best title of the passage?
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  What would be the best title of the passage?
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Author Topic: What would be the best title of the passage?  (Read 328 times)
v0031
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« on: May 03, 2019, 08:29:28 PM »

A young man and an old man were waiting for a bus at a station. They sat next to each other. "What’s that in your bag?” asked the young man, pointing to a big bag beside the old man. "Gold, nothing but gold,” answered the old man.
"What?” the young man said to himself in surprise. “So much gold? My God! How do I wish to be able to get so much gold!” Then he thought about how to get the bag.
The old man looked tired and sleepy and it was clear that he could hardly keep his eyes open.
"Are you sleepy, sir?” asked the young man. “Then you’d better lie down on the chair and have a good rest. Don’t worry about the bus. I’ll wake you up in time.”
"It’s very kind of you, young man,” the old man said and lay down. Soon he fell asleep. The young man took the big bag gently. But when he was going to run away, he found a corner of his woolen coat was under the old man’s body. Several times he tried to pull it out, but he failed. At last he took off his coat and went away with the bag.
The young man ran out of the station as fast as possible. When he got to a place where he thought the old man couldn’t find him, he stopped and quickly opened the bag.
He didn’t think there was nothing but a lot of small stones in it. He hurried to the station at once.
But when he got there, the old man had left.    


 And can I change the red word think into expect?
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Smid
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« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2019, 04:49:45 AM »
« Edited: May 04, 2019, 05:01:39 AM by Smid »

Changing the red to "expect" is better than leaving it as "think", but that sentence could be improved further, as "nothing" is creating a double negative. I would probably have phrased it: "he didn't expect it to contain anything but small stones..." or "he expected it would contain nothing but small stones..." or "he expected it would only contain small stones..." or something along those lines. Pairing "a lot" generally feels rather boring. I would also strike the word "do" from an earlier sentence, so it reads something like "My God! How I wish to obtain so much gold!"


Edit:

Actually, reading it again, "think" might be correct, rather than expect... it's hard to say the author's intention. Initially I thought that it was referring to the young man's expectation and what he thought before opening the bag, but perhaps it doesn't... and I surmise this only because the story doesn't reveal what was actually in the bag otherwise: he steals the bag, runs away, expects it to just be stones, returns to look for the man...  there seems to be something (actually looking in the bag) missing in that chain of events.

On the other hand, perhaps the young man stole the bag bevause he expects it to be gold, runs off with it, opens it and finds what he thinks is a handful of pebbles, so he returns to confront the old man, who has already left (and presumably acquired the young man's woolen jacket for a handful of stones). In this case, "thinks" couldn't be changed to "expects" because it's referring to an uncertain appraisal, rather than a future expectation.

If that's the author's intended reading, the story might be about how the old man tricked the young man out of his jacket by exploiting his greed and deliberately sitting on it when he went to "sleep" (whereas he was actually just pretending, so that the young man was forced to leave it behind).
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v0031
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« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2019, 07:06:41 AM »

Thanks for your good explanation,then what would be the best title?
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v0031
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« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2019, 07:36:05 AM »

It was a hot day of the dry season. It hasn't rained for a month. The crops were dying. Cows had stopped giving milk. The rivers were long gone back into the earth. If we didn't see rain soon, we would lose everything.
I was in the kitchen cooking for the family when I saw my six-year-old son Billy walking towards the woods. He was walking slowly with great care. Minutes after he disappeared into the woods, he ran out again towards the house.
Moments later, however, he was once again walking in that slow step towards the woods. The activity went on for over an hour, walking carefully to the woods, then running back to the house. Finally, my curiosity got the best of me. I went out and followed him secretly on his journey.
He was cupping both hands in front of him as he walked, being careful not to let the water out. Branches hit his little face, but he did not try to avoid them.
As I walked closer, I saw the most moving scene.
Billy was walking right up to the several large deer. I almost shouted for him to get away as I thought it could be a danger. Then I noticed a baby deer lying on the ground suffering from being thirsty. It lifted its head slowly to drink the water cupped in my boy's beautiful hands.
I stood on the edge of the woods, watching the most beautiful heart, working so hard to save a little life. As the tears that roll down my face began to hit the ground, they were suddenly joined by other drops, more drops… and more. I looked up at the sky. God was also crying with pride.

 And I also want to change pride into sympathy.
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v0031
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« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2019, 08:06:52 PM »

Thanks for your good explanation,then what would be the best title?


I think of one, old man's trick.
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