Comedy Goldmine 3: The Mineshaft--SHAFT!

[Јas]

Q: Rank top candidates [in US Presidential race] in order of preference.

1. (LARGE GAP)
2. The rest.

[minionofmidas]

I know Jesus is alive! I swear I saw him 2 weeks ago!!11!!!!

On a piece of toast?

My religion worships Nutella.  Mmm.

Whoever doesn't worship hazelnut spread is in the wrong.

You should join forces with Horst Heldt, now the manager of VfB Stuttgart but still an active player at the time...
Q: "What do you believe in?" (expected A: "God" or summat like that.)
A: "The five essential ingredients of Nutella."

[I spent the winter writing songs about getting better]

In reference to Straha:

Wow, my first argument with a libertarian.

[Verily]

Damn, you've created more parties than Chuck E. Cheese.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

Straha's solutions are common-sense and agreeable.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

The thread's creator, Gabu, couldn't have deleted it as the power to delete your own threads has been removed.  Alcon has already shown us here that it apparently wasn't him, and he certainly wouldn't have deliberately deleted the whole thing anyway.  That just leaves Dave, who might have done it semi-accidentally as a response to a reported post.  It has precedence; i.e. the fantasy election registration thread previous to the current one.

I don't think that was deleted. I think Dave just created a new one and asked us to cease using the old one because he was getting bounced notifications of every reply.

What happened in the Fantasy registration thread?

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Some excerpts from the Seventh Circuit's opinion in United States v. Patridge:

..

Patridge's brief in the criminal appeal presents 19 issues, all frivolous. Many are in the style of tax-protest arguments that we might expect from a layman representing himself but do not expect to see in a brief filed by a member of the bar. For example, although counsel concedes that a person who earns income cannot avoid taxes by appointing it to a third party--here, by remitting the income to Trust #1--he insists that the maneuver may be penalized only if the taxpayer knows that 26 U.S.C. §7201 is the section of the Internal Revenue Code that makes the dodge unlawful. Cheek v. United States, 498 U.S. 192 (1991), holds that a person may be convicted of tax offenses only if he knows that the Code requires him to pay. The jury was so instructed, and its verdict shows that it found, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Patridge knew that he had to pay taxes on what he made from his business. ... Yet Patridge, in common with many other people who know what the law requires, could not say just which provisions of the Code make income taxable and prevent evasion. For that matter, many tax lawyers (and most judges) could not rattle off the citations without glancing at a book. ... Knowledge of the law's demands does not depend on knowing the citation any more than ability to watch a program on TV depends on knowing the frequency on which the signal is broadcast. ... None of the remaining 16 arguments in the criminal appeal requires comment. The appeal from the Tax Court is equally frivolous. ... The current proceeding is nothing but obstructionism. Jerold W. Barringer represented Patridge at trial, in the Tax Court, and during the three appeals to this court. He has performed below the standard of a pro se litigant; we have serious doubt about his fitness to practice law. The problem is not simply his inability to distinguish between plausible and preposterous arguments. It is his disdain for the norms of legal practice (19 issues indeed!) and the rules of procedure. ... [His statement of the facts] contains not a single fact and verges on illiteracy. One might think that Barringer had confused the "Statement of Facts" section with the "Summary of Argument" required by Rule 28(a)(, except that this passage does not contain any argument (it is argument free, though full of assertion) and is immediately followed by a six-page-long "SUMMARY OF APPELLANT'S ARGUMENTS". . . . We ... give Barringer 14 days to show cause why he should not be fined $10,000 for his frivolous arguments and noncompliance with the Rules, and why he should not be suspended from practice until he demonstrates an ability to litigate an appeal competently and responsibly.

Ouch. Not that I feel sorry for the guy.

[Joe Republic]

What on earth is a gay 'agenda' anyway?

You didn't get your copy yet? Here...

GAY AGENDA

November Meeting of the Gays

1. Minutes of the October Meeting
2. Vote: Brad Pitt v George Clooney
3. Is purple the new pink?
4. Presentation by 'The Brain' on how to take over the world
5. Christmas Party '07
5. AOGB (Any Other Gay Business)

[Filuwaúrdjan]

Having just listened to Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries, I've now decided I'm strongly in favour of invading Poland.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

Click for context:

Nader/Santorum

[Gabu]

Yay for misleading generalizations!

The comedy comes not so much from the content of the post but from its origins.

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Just pointing out the political cartoon thread and bumping this thread which has inexplicably fallen to page 2.

[Dr. Cynic]

The poor bastard died when his bowel's ruptured on Sunday afternoon. There was nothing they could do. Thankfully, he died in his sleep, which is one of the best way's to go, apart from having a heart attack whilst having sex.

I dunno why it was funny to me.

[opebo]

The poor bastard died when his bowel's ruptured on Sunday afternoon. There was nothing they could do. Thankfully, he died in his sleep, which is one of the best way's to go, apart from having a heart attack whilst having sex.

I dunno why it was funny to me.

I think there are two reasons: 1) bowels ruptured, and 2) he slept through it.

[Tetro Kornbluth]

Any disguised porn movie that LimeWire always churns out in it's search results.

I find them more annoying than disturbing, tbh. I mean, here I am, expecting to see, I dunno, Spider-Man 3 and suddenly I see some girl taking a faceload of cum.

"Is this the director's cut?", I thought, before I realised that I was actually looking at Animal Instinct XXXIV or somesuch.

[Joe Republic]

In response to a thread on Evan Bayh:

Who is she?

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

Might want to mention that us Yankees are giving thanks today and that you give thanks for having known your granddad.  It'd also be good without mentioning us Yanks.

In the middle of an election campaign, anything even vaguely relating to politics would be rather crass, and 'America' is a political issue here-just as it is worldwide.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

In the early to mid 1990's Philadelphia had a string of wrong address raids.  The police would usually get the address wrong.

Shortly thereafter, the the City of Philadelphia had a string of lawsuits from string of wrong address raids. 

Shortly thereafter, the the City of Philadelphia wrote a string of of checks to cover the cost of settling the string of lawsuits from string of wrong address raids.

Shortly thereafter, the police got better at finding the correct addresses.
 

[bgwah]

I just had a horrible thought - maybe he got laid off and realized the error of his right-wing ways.  He's probably living in his truck (without internet access)!  Those poor little girls..

[© tweed]

For all the bleeding hearts on this forum who say "but he saved the helpless child"

Well tough sh!t

[Eraserhead]

A shame; despite his politics I quite liked Jeff. Any chance of a return?

I'd say so.  Homeless people can sometimes get away with using the internet at the public library, as long as they don't disturb anyone.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

The Paul thing is getting a little out of control. You can't walk into the mall without these people coming at you now.

I think it's sort of like experiencing Eugene McCarthy's supporters in 1968, only in miniature. Deranged, running against the establishment, and with no hope at all of winning.

[King]

Bump.

As a wrestler of 4 years, I loved the sport, even though I sucked terribly.

That one is funnier in context.

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

Click for context:

I had to wikipedia it, but I approve.

[Јas]

On Peter Hain:

The dayglo member for sunny, sunny Neath.