If you were to convert....

[Alcon]

I protest against the lack of inclusion of Presbyterianism.

No one's converting to mainstream Protestantism anyway.

This is sort of hard to answer.  I can judge religions by their matching to my personal views, but if I'd have to think differently to subscribe to a religion, so the question is essentially moot.

[Alcon]

First, there are fast growing conservative Presbyterian churches. See www.pcanet.org and www.opc.org . There's more to Presbyterianism than the pseudo-church PC(USA). Second, even if presbyterianism was just "Mainstream" protestantism, Methodism was included, and that one doesn't even have any conservative denominations.

I think my facetiousness was a little bit lost. 

[Alcon]

Perhaps because it failed the important test of being funny.

It wasn't meant to be funny.  It was meant to push your buttons, and it worked predictably and splendidly.