Obama and the Pirates

[CARLHAYDEN]

No, not the baseball team!

The following satire seems to me to accurately synopsize the Obama policies:

After maintaining his silence for two days, President Obama will soon make his first public statement about the pirate attack upon an U.S.-flagged vessel off the Horn of Africa. After several inquiries and a few well-placed bribes, Exurban League has received an early transcript of the President's remarks:
 
Image source.
Good evening. As you know, early yesterday, Somali-based pirates attacked the Maersk Alabama, a freighter carrying relief supplies to Kenya. While we do not yet know all the details, the Alabama's crew re-took control of the vessel and forced the pirates off the ship.

Since the pirates are still holding the captain, I have sent FBI negotiators to facilitate his safe and speedy release. I assure his friends and family that I will not stop until this man-made disaster is resolved in a peaceful, tolerant and ecologically-sound manner.

Obviously, this incident has raised many concerns among Americans. There have been calls for justice and even violence against the misguided perpetrators. But such an emotional reaction has led to the disparagement of entire groups with which we are unfamiliar. We have seen this throughout history.

For too long, America has been too dismissive of the proud culture and invaluable contributions of the Pirate Community. Whether it is their pioneering work with prosthetics, husbandry of tropical birds or fanciful fashion sense, America owes a deep debt to Pirates.

The past eight years have shown a failure to appreciate the historic role of these noble seafarers. Instead of celebrating their entreprenuerial spirit and seeking to partner with them to meet common challenges, there have been times where America has shown arrogance and been dismissive, even derisive.

Some of us wonder if our current Overseas Contingency Operation would even be needed had the last administration not been so quick to label Pirates as "thieves," "terrorists" and worse. Such swashbucklaphobia can lead to tragic results, as we have seen this week.

To address this issue, I have instructed Vice President Joe Biden to create a cabinet-level Czar of Pirate Outreach and Buccaneer Interrelation. In addition, June 1-7 has been designated as Pirate Awareness Week, during which all federal buildings will fly the Jolly Roger and sponsor sensitivity training. Thankfully, my American Recovery and Reinvestment Act will fund free grog and hard tack for all attendees.

Finally, to all pirates listening to international broadcasts, shortwave services and ship-to-shore radio, let me say this:

Ahoy, me regret arr relationship has set sail in a scurvy manner. Arr people share many mutual 'alues and concerns on t' raging main. Perchance, could ye handsomely release the cap'n o' the ship and I assure that no harm will come t' ye or ye hearties. Let us smite t' reset button and launch our seabond on a new pegleg. Savvy? Godspeed t' ye and t' ye beauties. Aye, me parrot concurs.

[Landslide Lyndon]

[Joe Republic]

CARLHAYDEN acknowledging humor?!  Mark your calendars, people!!

[JSojourner]

Yeah, the Obama administration's response to the Pirate attack was really weak and flaccid.  Sending in those lame-ass Navy Seals who delivered the bad guys a complete ass kicking was typical of sissy Democratic leadership.

Perhaps Obama really IS a Muslim...a Pirate...and a lover of Broadway Show Tunes!

[Linus Van Pelt]

Fail. The captain's been rescued by a navy operation.

[JSojourner]

Fail. The captain's been rescued by a navy operation.

Obama was a sissy.  If he had been a real man, he would have gone in there himself, rescued the guy and killed all the pirates.  (And cleared some brush.)

Instead, he wimped out and let the Navy Seals do it.  What a wuss.

If only we had a leader who knew how to take care of business like The Decider.  Something tells me we won't see Barack wearing a cod piece beneath a Mission Accomplished banner either.  LAME!

[Scam of God]

This would have been much more hilarious of three of the pirates hadn't been shot dead, one captured, and the captain safely returned not hours after you posted this.

[Meeker]

Epic fail.

[The Mikado]

This would have been much more hilarious of three of the pirates hadn't been shot dead, one captured, and the captain safely returned not hours after you posted this.

Hours before, actually.  Which makes it even worse.

[Eraserhead]

Epic fail.

Maybe one of the finest examples of Epic Fail that I have seen in some time.