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Author Topic: Political Jokes Thread  (Read 723 times)
Warner for Senate '14
benconstine
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« on: May 05, 2012, 07:07:07 pm »
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Q: What did President Obama say to Mexican President Felipe Calderon?
A: "If you're having drug problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but cartels ain't one."
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Obama High's debate team:

"Now let me be clear...I...I...um...uh...now let me be clear.  I strongly condemn the affirmative in the strongest possible terms, and I am closely monitoring their arguments.  Let me be clear on this."
Emperor Scott
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« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2012, 07:10:18 pm »
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Newt Gingrich.
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Bacon King
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« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2012, 07:16:56 pm »

Newt Gingrich.

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BK without all the crazy drugs just wouldn't be BK.
Bacon King: 1.  You're cute, in a weird Tom Wopat kind of way.
R2D2
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« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2012, 07:36:36 pm »
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The Libertarian Party.
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It's amazing how desperate people get when they want to make unhealthy and unnatural things natural just to make the slim minority of those with socially, unethical, and unnatural logic feel a little better about their flaws.
Vote UKIP!
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« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2012, 11:36:09 pm »
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Barack Obama meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowns, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send David Cameron in here, would you?"

David Cameron walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"

The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answers, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Obama goes back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice president, the same question. "Joe. Answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He goes to members of the Cabinet and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. He goes to the Supreme Court and asks all nine members and doesn't get an answer. He goes to Congress and asks most of the members to no avail. Finally, he walks into the Colin Powell's office and says, "Colin, see if you can answer this riddle: Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell says, "It's me!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Biden smiles, and says, "Thanks!" Then, he goes back to speak with Obama.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."

Obama gets up, stomps over to Biden, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's David Cameron!"

A take off on a joke from here: http://www.backwoodshome.com/humor/jokes122.html
« Last Edit: May 14, 2012, 03:27:11 pm by MasterSanders, IDS Legislator »Logged

Tender Branson
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« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2012, 11:57:18 pm »
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A man is taking a walk in Central Park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl."

The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"

"Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman answers.

"But I am not an American!" says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !"

The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
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Deadly Poisonous Zanzibar Hamster
The Obamanation
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« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2012, 12:31:20 am »
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My current sig.
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Convincing BRTD to drop the Sneakers O'Toole BS is like convincing Sneakers O'Toole to take his sneakers off.

(I realize I'm probably just further encouraging him by saying that, and for this I apologize.)
True Federalist
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« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2012, 12:48:49 pm »
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My current sig.

I approve so hard.


What's the difference between Glenn Beck and the Hindenburg? One's a flaming Nazi gasbag, and the other's a blimp.

I didn't know that Glenn Beck was a blimp.  After all, the Hindenburg was a dirigible, not a blimp. Tongue
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I wonder why Van Heusen never bothered to make women's clothing?
Robb the Survivor
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« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2012, 01:05:56 pm »
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My current sig.

I approve so hard.


What's the difference between Glenn Beck and the Hindenburg? One's a flaming Nazi gasbag, and the other's a blimp.

I didn't know that Glenn Beck was a blimp.  After all, the Hindenburg was a dirigible, not a blimp. Tongue

And Paul von Hindenburg wasn't, technically, a nazi. Tongue
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Robb of the House Stark, First of his Name, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North



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22:15   ComradeSibboleth   this is all extremely terrible and in all respects absolutely fycking dire.

"A reformist is someone who realizes that, when you bang your head on a wall, it's the head that breaks rather than the wall."

Peppino, from the movie Baaria
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« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2012, 03:07:15 pm »
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My current sig.

well at least the lefties think so
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It's amazing how desperate people get when they want to make unhealthy and unnatural things natural just to make the slim minority of those with socially, unethical, and unnatural logic feel a little better about their flaws.
ChairmanSanchez
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« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2012, 05:09:19 pm »
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Ron Paul does not pee-he liberates urine.
Every time Ron Paul farts, the Liberty Bell rings.
Jesus wears a wristband that says "what would Ron Paul do?"
Ron Paul reproduces asexually.
A Ron Paul action figure can't sell-it does not change positions.
Ron Paul knows the muffin man.
Ron Paul could make soccer interesting.
Ron Paul is so fast he could steal a homeplate, but his conscious wont let him do it.
When Ron Paul cuts an onion, the onion cries.
On July 4th, there is a constellation of Ron Paul's face in the night sky.
Ron Paul put the sword IN the stone.
Ron Paul does not cut taxes-he kills them with his bear hands.
Ron Paul taught Yoda to use the force.
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America's like that hot chick everyone wants, and illegal immigrants are all the nerds that she should say "no" to.
R2D2
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« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2012, 05:13:34 pm »
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Which gets me thinking, everyone worships Chuck Norris...but do they know he's a hardcore fundamentalist Christian who rejects evolution and endorsed Newt Gingrich?
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It's amazing how desperate people get when they want to make unhealthy and unnatural things natural just to make the slim minority of those with socially, unethical, and unnatural logic feel a little better about their flaws.
Senator Alfred F. Jones
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« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2012, 09:48:52 pm »
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Which gets me thinking, everyone worships Chuck Norris...but do they know he's a hardcore fundamentalist Christian who rejects evolution and endorsed Newt Gingrich?
I saw a Huckabee ad with him in it back in '08.
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There is a lot of humor to be mined from this as the mind of LBJ in the body of an 18 month old baby girl is quite hilarious.

Alfred is the Atlasian equivalent of a malevolent deity.

Vazdul (Formerly Chairman of the Communist Party of Ontario)
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« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2012, 11:27:53 pm »
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Ron Paul does not pee-he liberates urine.
Every time Ron Paul farts, the Liberty Bell rings.
Jesus wears a wristband that says "what would Ron Paul do?"
Ron Paul reproduces asexually.
A Ron Paul action figure can't sell-it does not change positions.
Ron Paul knows the muffin man.
Ron Paul could make soccer interesting.
Ron Paul is so fast he could steal a homeplate, but his conscious wont let him do it.
When Ron Paul cuts an onion, the onion cries.
On July 4th, there is a constellation of Ron Paul's face in the night sky.
Ron Paul put the sword IN the stone.
Ron Paul does not cut taxes-he kills them with his bear hands.
Ron Paul taught Yoda to use the force.

Ron Paul doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.
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Seriously, it was time to change back to the real avatar.
True Federalist
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« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2012, 11:44:40 pm »
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Ron Paul does not pee-he liberates urine.
Every time Ron Paul farts, the Liberty Bell rings.
Jesus wears a wristband that says "what would Ron Paul do?"
Ron Paul reproduces asexually.
A Ron Paul action figure can't sell-it does not change positions.
Ron Paul knows the muffin man.
Ron Paul could make soccer interesting.
Ron Paul is so fast he could steal a homeplate, but his conscious wont let him do it.
When Ron Paul cuts an onion, the onion cries.
On July 4th, there is a constellation of Ron Paul's face in the night sky.
Ron Paul put the sword IN the stone.
Ron Paul does not cut taxes-he kills them with his bear hands.
Ron Paul taught Yoda to use the force.

The rest of them, while unlikely are at least believable.  But a sport that tries to steal the name of football from our beloved American sport will never be interesting to real Americans. Wink
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I wonder why Van Heusen never bothered to make women's clothing?
ChairmanSanchez
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« Reply #15 on: May 24, 2012, 08:54:32 pm »
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"I think I accidently voted for Pat Buchanan"--my Unce Pete, upon casting his votes in the 2012 FL GOP primary. None of the old b*tches at the polling station got it.
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America's like that hot chick everyone wants, and illegal immigrants are all the nerds that she should say "no" to.
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