The CrabCake Bureau of Funny Post Archival

[free my dawg]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=202662.0

[free my dawg]

I disapprove of his tenure for many reasons:

...

9. Benghazi

[free my dawg]

Governor: Quinn

Senate: Durbin

Representative: Foster

Attorney General: Madigan

Secretary of State: White

Comptroller: Topinka

Treasurer: Cross

State Rep: Fortner

[free my dawg]

All the more reason to see it.

Not anymore, I guess.

Can't believe there are people who are genuinely afraid of NK. It's laughable.

I got a computer virus from North Korea after I mocked the regime. I'm now about as cautious about criticizing North Korea on the web as I am about criticizing $cientology.

[free my dawg]

Millions of Americans of all ages say they prefer Socialism over Capitalism when they're polled each year, so to consider that childish is very far fetched.  I will say it again, there is nothing wrong with believing in overthrowing the Bourgeoisie like I do.  It's perfectly acceptable.

[free my dawg]

Imperialist warmongering manwhore.

[free my dawg]

Freedom Statue, but sadly created by a totalitarian state.

[free my dawg]

I spent my Valentines morning watching The Birth Of A Nation on CSPAN 3. What a bizarre film.

You spent Valentine's Day with your ex?

[free my dawg]

Look moderately upward in the sky! It's a moderately paced bird!

No! It's a plane traveling at a moderate speed!

It's Wulfric!

[free my dawg]

RFayette, I have placed you on ignore because Satan has gotten a hold of you.  What do I do with Satan?  Ignore him.

My faith is on solid ground.  On Christ the Solid Rock I stand.  All other ground is sinking sand.  I am secure enough in my faith that I do not believe a word you said.  Your post is just Satan trying to twist Scripture to convince me I am going to hell.  Wrong buster.  I am saved by faith through grace and not based on my works.  You apparently didn't read the passages about grace.  When Jesus died on the cross, his last words were "It is finished."  This means my sin debt, past, present and future is PAID IN FULL.  I can never do a single thing again to lose my salvation.  Once He saved me, I cannot EVER lose my salvation no matter what I do.  That's not my words.  The Southern Baptists believe in Once Saved, Always Saved.  I adhere to that wholeheartedly and I believe that is the correct view.  If I died right now, I have no doubt I would be entering the pearly gates of heaven where I will find Jesus waiting for me with open arms and utter the words "Well done, my good and faithful servant.  You have been faithful over a few things, I will put you in charge over many things in my Kingdom.  Enter thou into the joy of the LORD!".   I have no doubt and nobody can convince me otherwise, so they might as well stop.

[free my dawg]

But once you enter into a full fledged gay marriage, or a gay civil union that is indistinguishable from a gay marriage, you are sinning and should be ashamed.

Hilarious!

Sin is never hilarious. It is filthy and abhorring to the eyes of god and all good christians. No one is perfect and everyone sins sometimes. But it is something that all good christians should strive to avoid.

[free my dawg]

Prime Minister Stephen Harper

I'm sure you've then considered amputation.

We should all be so fortunate as to have shaken hands with the greatest Prime Minister that Canada has ever been blessed with.

[free my dawg]

Well, guess what guys, I'm a Democrat. 

Congratulations!!! Have you come out to your family yet? If they're accepting, would you bring a Democrat home? If they're not, just remember: you were born this way, this wasn't a choice you made. So happy for you!!

No, I haven't, but I know my dad will support me through this.  And I will most definitely be bringing a democrat home for christmas this year.

[free my dawg]

It appears that the fundamentalist of the Obama doctrine have decided to be more transparent than in the past.

1. If you do not like the doctor, we will keep the doctor.
2. If you do not like the plan, we will keep the plan.
3. Every country is guaranteed 2500 dead. Pre-orders already being accepted; Libya, Iraq, Yemen, Nigeria…
4. All pre-ambitions must be accepted.

A two week extension is said to be on order for the order to get in order their order. However, best your order be in order by the 31st.  


  

[free my dawg]

This is a perplexing subject for me. I turn 27 this year, so I don't even really fit into the "18-25" demographic anymore, but the very reason I identify with the Republican Party is because of how extreme the Democratic Party has gotten.

Let's say when I was becoming a teenager, around the time of Bush vs. Gore in 2000, I heard extremely profane lyrics on the radio. I would think, "This stuff is vulgar, maybe kids shouldn't have to hear this crap." Now...George Bush the Republican would agree with me. But so would Al and Tipper Gore, the Democrat. See? Even though one was Republican and one was Democrat, certain common sense things (The Defense of Marriage Act, signed by Democrat Clinton) would keep everyone in agreement.

In 2004, I thought Gay Marriage was pushing boundaries too far. President Bush, the Republican, had an official position against it. But so did the Democratic nominee, John Kerry.

When I was a kid, it didn't matter who was in the White House, D.A.R.E. programs and the importance of staying off drugs was applauded. It didn't matter if you were Ronald Reagan or Bill Clinton or George Bush or Al Gore. Now? We have a party that wishes to make drugs legal and a President who openly has joked about drug legalization. How disgusting is that? THAT'S normal? That's not the Democratic Party I knew as a kid.

Do you get what I'm saying? Yes...being a Republican does make you more close-minded, maybe the harsh reality makes you come across cold-hearted. But I'd much rather be a more traditional conservative then take this drastic far left leap into unknown territory.

It didn't matter what party was in the White House when I was growing up, because Clinton, Reagan, or either Bush, you knew it was "One Nation Under God", you knew it was "Just say no to drugs". You knew it was "One man and one woman."

Today's Democratic Party doesn't feel any of that. That terrifies me. THAT is too extreme. I'd rather be with the party of the mainstream than with a radical party which currently is what the Democrats are. To me, the Republican Party is pretty much the same that it's been all my life.

[free my dawg]

The firing squad is the most democratic form of execution, under the condition that is local communities doing it rather then the State.

[free my dawg]

She's not going to need your sh**tty ass Senate seat when she's elected as the next VPOTUS next November.

[free my dawg]

They lose twice to Buffalo and once to Philadelphia and Dallas, leaving a 12-4 record, AFC East title, 1st round bye, and defeat in the AFC Divisional Round (to Cleveland/San Diego/Buffalo).

The Browns aren't actually that bad..they're the team that'll pull an upset or two early, and fizzle out in the AFC Title Game.

This is coming from the guy who said that the team that had the third-place finisher for AL MVP and the Cy Young winner had "nobody". I wouldn't worry.

[free my dawg]

I'm not saying that all of god's commandments are things I would be willing to publicly campaign on/advocate for if one asked me to do so. I don't feel god expects me to do so. But if they were to come up at the ballot box as refrendums, then I believe god expects me to vote for them out of faith. Sure, god is the eventual final arbiter on whether someone has been truly repentant and deserves forgiveness. But that doesn't mean he expects man to show a nonchalant attitude towards others' sin.

Ok, well let's cut right to the chase here. Would you vote in favor of the following referendums if they were on the ballot in your state?
1. A ban on all non-Christian marriages (i.e. no state recognition of marriages between Jewish or Muslim couples, etc.)?
2. The establishment of Christianity as the official state religion?
3. A ban on the construction of mosques within the state?
4. A flat-out ban on the practice of Islam?

1. Contrary to what you may believe, god does not declare that a marriage between two unbelievers is a sin (However, a christian who knowingly marries an unbeliever is sinning: https://bible.org/seriespage/17-marriage-matters-1-corinthians-76-24). So, it falls to personal opinion, and I would vote No in this case.

2. Yes
3. Yes
4. Not sure. While this is something god would likely expect me to support, I'm not sure if I could bring myself to actually support it.

--------------

When and if I knowingly go against a commandment of god when taking a position on an issue, there is always a reason for doing it. Maybe I feel it's unenforceable, too intruding, or ridiculously expensive. I do not want to give into those temptations, but the devil finds ways of convincing me that it's what's best for society as a whole.

But when it comes to SSM, my devoted opposition comes with no hesitation whatsoever. Excluding gay couples from marriage is not something that I feel uneasy about doing at all. Some of the people in this world are asking god to change the union of marriage from what it has been for essentially all of time. They are telling god, not even out of temptation, but out of pure wanting to do it without any provoking from the devil at all, that the unions he created aren't good enough for us even though they were good enough for centuries upon centuries. And they should be ashamed of themselves.

[free my dawg]

You must be logged in to read this quote.

CO-6 2012 Results:

President: Obama +5
U.S. House: Coffman +2

CO-6 2014 Results:

Governor: Hickenlooper +3.5
U.S. Senate: Gardner +3.5
U.S. House (against an excellent democratic nominee): Coffman +9

If that doesn't demonstrate great ability to win over swing voters, I don't know what does.

For all the praise that Gardner still gets in terms of his strength as a candidate, he was effectively generic R. His narrow statewide margin showed that he didn't win because he was "republican jesus", he won because of:

1) The wave
2) Udall's terrible campaign
3) Local media being in the tank for him

You take any of those away, and Udall wins. Seriously.

If the CO GOP wants a gardner-like candidate who needs a lot of luck to win, Scott Tipton is the one. But if they want a candidate that not even the 2012 climate could take out, Mike Coffman is the guy to choose, and the only reason the atlas dem mentality says he isn't a great candidate is because they know he's a great candidate and think not admitting it will make him less great.

[free my dawg]

When people like Murica! call for an overthrow of the American Government there is nothing Atlas can do to compromise with those people. And scary thing is many people are a fan of Murica! views

[free my dawg]

If the shooting actually happened, his punishment should be having to watch racial cuckold porn on rerun forever. But, I'm of the opinion that this whole thing was a false-flag. Way too many things don't make sense about this incident. The kid had a black friend who said he never said anything racist, the FBI "just happened" to be having an active shooter drill in Charleston on the exact day of the "shooting", and the victim's family members just look like terrible actors. Seriously, how are you going to tell me that their family members were just slaughtered?

Not to mention, this story conveniently checks all of the boxes on the agenda of government control.

Justification for gun control? Check.
Justification for govt control of the Internet ("I wasn't raised racist, I became radicalized online!")? Check.
Justification for defining domestic citizens as "terrorists" ("this shooting was an act of terrorism, it's absolutely critical that we recognize and describe it as this!")? Check.

And to top it all off, the family members of the "victims" are being given $29 million by the Federal government. You seriously think they would give that much just to "help them recover"?

I could be wrong, but this whole thing just seems way too sus.

[free my dawg]

Not so fast kids. Two of your side should've had to recuse. Traditional Marriage and the rights of the states win 4-3

[free my dawg]

Governor Scott Brown

[free my dawg]

I've got a groundbreaking business concept: I want to produce state-shaped dildos for politically interested nerds!
Which states do you think should I choose as models? The most obvious choices are, of course, California, Oklahoma and Florida. (And to be honest, acting as butt plugs is the only reasonable role those states could ever have).

But what state shapes could be else used for dildos? Do you think Nevada would be too hardcore?
Do you think Minnesota could be used as a stretching tool? And Ohio as an anal ball?

I always have an open mind about new ideas.