Comedy Goldmine & Robin

[King]

Its really nice to see my work appreciated.  Im usually good for one...maybe 2 zingers per goldmine.

Expect to rise.  With no Rochambeau and Libertas, I expect this Goldmine to last forever.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Context needed

"Wow, what a day, folks!  I woke up at 4.30am, when I                             and                                      , which took three and a half hours!  Luckily,                               although         at 7:00am, which only lasted until           .  After           I met with                       , who informed me that                                                                       with                 and                   6:45pm                     , praise Jesus!

Before lunch at 12:15pm,                                                                                                                                                   but                                                                                         and                                                                         3:47pm                                                                                                                                     if                                                       married until at least November 12th at the earliest."

[Ebowed]

I always drink alone - especially before a long drive.

[Marokai Backbeat]

Key #6- DRESS WELL.

All sappy pablum aside, it did amuse me to consider what might be the sartorial advice of the gay hater jmfcst.

[MASHED POTATOES. VOTE!]

Does what again, exactly?  Also, if you are so concerned about English being the official language maybe you should use spell check.

[Vepres]

Even if you disagree, it was a nice zinger!

Disgusting. I think Colorado is smarter than to elect a fascist

Apparently it's not.

[King]

Even if you disagree, it was a nice zinger!

Disgusting. I think Colorado is smarter than to elect a fascist

Apparently it's not.

By the Libertarian definition of fascist, all 50 states have voted for a fascy in one way or another since 1928.

[Vepres]

Even if you disagree, it was a nice zinger!

Disgusting. I think Colorado is smarter than to elect a fascist

Apparently it's not.

By the Libertarian definition of fascist, all 50 states have voted for a fascy in one way or another since 1928.

I just thought it was a nice jab

[Oswald Acted Alone, You Kook]

Even if you disagree, it was a nice zinger!

Disgusting. I think Colorado is smarter than to elect a fascist

Apparently it's not.

By the Libertarian definition of fascist, all 50 states have voted for a fascy in one way or another since 1789.

Fixed.

[Joe Republic]

Remember this is a guy who gets his kicks out of deliberately giving lost tourists wrong directions.

In fairness, deceiving tourists is the #3 favorite activity among Las Vegans, after blackjack at Caesars and snorting coke off hookers' tits.

[CatoMinor]

My prediction is not based on the present. If the 2012 election were held today, Obama would probably win actually, based on the his approval ratings still being decent and the weakness of the Republican field. But the American people are going to have to endure two more years of unemployment, stagnating real wages, exploding healthcare costs, and an economy that has deep structural problems that the government is not solving. If Republicans get into power in November, then they'll probably force Obama to go down the austerity route, which will make problems even worse. We're not creating jobs, and we're not going to be creating jobs at this rate until 2016 or so. Obama cannot be re-elected in 2012 if the unemployment rate is still 8-10% (which it will be) and the economy still sucks (which it will). Obama will not be able to survive another two years of suffering and lack of progress, and yet he won't be able to do anything about it because Republicans + blue dogs will prevent him.

Couldn't have said it better myself.  Leif has been the voice of reason for a long while on the forum.

[Meeker]

Please do your best to only post funny things in the Comedy Goldmine. Thanks.

[Free Palestine]

Also, please do not upload images with red in them to Photobucket.

[Bacon King]

I for one am flattered that a quote of mine, complete with a compliment from opebo himself, has been immortalized in a shoddily-made decade-old meme.

[Grumpier Than Uncle Joe]

Haha, Beet.  I haven't voted yet, but I'm leaning towards "if I were drunk."  But it would have to be that sort of special drunk wherein I'd had a dose or two of Cialis beforehand, or otherwise predisposed to cranky, older women, and hadn't masturbated earlier that day, and mainly it was a clean vodka drunk, and not a red wine drunk.  Now, remember Beet, we're talking about Bachmann at this point, and not O'Donnell.  If you put out that joint and read the thread title again, I'll put down my glass of vodka and decide whether I want to vote in this poll.

[Filuwaúrdjan]

(Also, learning of Rule 34 is how I got the idea to look for Sinfest Porn... now how sad is that?)

[Chancellor Tanterterg]

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Context needed (the whole thread probably belongs here)

[Queen Mum Inks.LWC]

This was a report I found funny:

excessive hyperbole

Excessive hyperbole is the most retarded reason for an infraction ever.

[Gustaf]

Glad you cleaned it up.  I love that line.  Sounds like the intro to a western movie.

Open with a pair of dusty boots walkiing slowly through in the desert.  Slowly pan up the body of a weather-worn maverick, who steps on a scorpion.  Cue guitar solo--or better yet, theme from "Fistful of Dollars."  Raspy, cigarette-enhanced baritone voice starts talking..

"I'd killed more men than I can remember.  Been upstairs with every whore in the territory.  Drank about a gallon of whiskey before breakfast every day of my miserable life.  My face was posted on the walls of every two-bit tavern west of the Pecos. 

I didn't give a damn about anybody or any laws.  Till one day when I found Jesus, that is.  I found him at the bottom of a well, where I'd been pitched and left for dead after my gang found my map and stole my gold.  Damn near suffocated down there, till a Mexican priest named Arturo Fernandez saved me.  He brought me up out of that well and nurtured me back to life like I was his own child.  Taught me to love and to forgive.  But I wasn't into that political Jesus.  I wasn't into Jesus Christ, Inc.  I wanted to find my own truth. 

During those first five months, I was a rogue Christian with no church and only a bible."

Cut to bloodstained bible.  Pan out to show lone maverick standing in deserted mining town.  Sound brass fanfare in A-sustained-2 with the title "The Rogue Christian" in Times font fading in quickly.

Voiceover:  "The Rogue Christian is brought to you by State Farm Insurance, and by Phillip Morris and company." 

Cut to commercial.

[Badger]

How come there are so many Liberal Athiest/Agnostics on the last few pages, if not on the entire forum?

Attention whores.

That's right: Libertas accused others of being "attention whores".

[Badger]

The dems will win either WVA or Ky, neither or one of them.

[Phony Moderate]

The dems will win either WVA or Ky, neither or one of them.

In all fairness, that's what will probably happen.

[Tender Branson]

The dems will win either WVA or Ky, neither or one of them.

LOL !

[Meeker]

The dems will win either WVA or Ky, neither or one of them.

In all fairness, that's what will probably happen.

In fact, that will definitely happen.

[Phony Moderate]

The dems will win either WVA or Ky, neither or one of them.

In all fairness, that's what will probably happen.

In fact, that will definitely happen.

Well, there could be some kind of major scandal or something within the next 12 days.